Dear Matt,
I have been married for twenty-one years. Our sex life has dwindled ever since we had kids and now it's almost non-existent. I am willing to try anything. Is there something you can recommend to help us. My friends say it's normal at this stage of the game, but I am worried he is going to look elsewhere if we don't fix this.
-Mary Ann

Answer:
So where to begin? There seem to be millions of "experts" who'll sell you the "secrets" to sex, but those recipes are usually worthless clichés you've heard a thousand times before. The current trends in supporting your sexual desires are natural remedies that work to enhance those carnal feelings while being safe and easy to use.

The timing is interesting especially since the recent news about the two recent clinical trials that revealed that the much discussed female Viagra called Flibanserin, in which a panel of experts will now decide by vote whether or not its approval for use should be recommended. The FDA noted the drug in some patients caused side effects including depression and dizziness. Admitting that there was some success achieved through the drug, the FDA still does not see that data as "particularly compelling." However, manufacturer Boehringer Ingelhein has maintained that Flibandserin works well and has said that the drug is able to increase a woman's global desire, suggesting that its effects are not extreme but rather subtle.

As we wait to see what happens next, there are some options out there ranging from action you can take to products that can help.

Sadly, researchers have informed that a "lack of desire" is the most common sexual problem in women aged thirty to sixty, just as erectile dysfunction is the most common sexual disorder among men in the same age bracket.

Here are some of our most common recommendations. If you have some please add them in the comments below.

Charge Up Some "Sexy:"
Buy something sexy for yourself. Make it that new bra and panties set you had your eye on because when you feel sexy, you will act sexier as well. Something as simple as wearing a new sexy outfit can really put you and your partner in the mood for some under the sheets action. HankyPanky.com is a favorite line of mine!

Make A Date... With Your Body:
Prepare a romantic meal for yourself, light those new scented candles, run a luxurious bubble bath then get lost in YOU. We are often so busy doing this and that for others that we forget to take time for ourselves. When was the last time you thought about where you like to be touched? Can you quickly describe your favorite sexual fantasy? Seize the moment to remind yourself that you are every inch a very sexual creature! Trust us, by focusing on your own personal pleasure you'll ensure that your sexual partner will be rewarded by your renewed knowledge of "how and where you like it."

Natural Arousal Oils To Massage Your Soul:
That's right, you don't have to stop at massage oils, there are arousal oils out there to help your sex life along.

A recent study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy recently declared that the botanical massage oil Zestra was effective in enhancing sexual arousal in the women. If you want to try a sample, here is a link for you to follow. Zestra is a sexual arousal aid that is truly a departure from what is usually available on the consumer market. Zestra is derived from all natural sources unlike synthetically produced warming gels. And, though there are other topically applied products based on plant derivatives, only Zestra Essential Arousal Oils have undergone clinical trial testing. The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy findings indicated that the study subjects demonstrated "statistically significant improvements... in level of arousal, level of desire, satisfaction with arousal, genital sensation, ability to have orgasms, and sexual pleasure."

Sex Somewhere Else:
Ever imagine making love at your favorite restaurant? Pretending you have the whole place to yourselves will add a little spice to the menu... even if it's just you both on your kitchen table. Even more adventurous is to try your apartment stairwell or that little used freight elevator! Swing by that cute little motel you wanted to check out and rent a room for the hour. You will be amazed by how much better the sex is when you make it new and spontaneous... just be aware and careful, you don't want to get caught!

It may be difficult to get started, but you have to take the first step to spice up your sex life. Remember it is very important to keep building the excitement and romance in your relationship. It's really not that difficult to add some spark if you are informed and creative. Like our great-grandmother use to say, "It's the simple things that make all the difference."

If you have a question for Matt Titus.. send it to: AskMattandTamsen.com

Q: We are in the 21^st century aren’t we? Last Saturday I was out with this guy and had to answer a few emails on my Blackberry. He ended the date abruptly. Was I out of line?

A: As convenient as technology has made our lives, it can cause some major static in a dating scenario. First, pending a dire emergency,you must leave work, friends, and the rest of your social calendar on mute.  Intimacy takes place during a conversation when two people are connecting to each other, not to their wireless handheld. Second, men have fragile egos, they like to be the center of attention with the woman they find attractive.  While it seems unfair, it is not surprising to hear about a guy ending the date if he feels ignored. Finally, let’s face it, you are not going to get promoted by your friends, marry your job, or miss out on any parties during your date.

If you think you might want to see him again, leave the electronics at home, or at least on vibrate.

Q: Is there something wrong with sending a guy flowers?

I did it after a second date to say thank you, and I haven’t heard from him since.

A: The best thing that you could send a guy after a great second date is…NOTHING.Men do not respond well gestures like flowers.

Most likely, that bouquet it will be interpreted as a symbol you think that the relationship is more serious than it really is… and he will withdraw.

A 3-step plan to make sure you get a third date.

1.   Do nothing. Wait for him to make the next move

2.         Make him wait. Don’t agree to go out immediately. This is what separates the girls from the women. Tell him you must check your calendar and get back to him (especially if he waits more than 4 days to call you).

3.         Do NOT obsess. Remember, you have only gone out with him twice. Anybody can be on their best behavior for two dates. Stay busy, spend time with friends, workout and never, ever practice putting his last name after yours!

Q: I finally spent the night over at the guy's apartment I've been seeing and everything went REALLY well. But the next morning, the conversation was weird. Any advice to keeping the sleepovers less than awkward the morning after?

A: The sun comes up and suddenly it’s all clear. He sees your bedhead and you notice his place isn’t quite as cool as it looked at 1am.
The next morning after the first sleepover can be awkward no matter how relaxed and confident both people are.
Here are a few things that might keep the sleepovers as simple as the night before.

·      Don’t feel the need to have a witty conversation ready and waiting.

·              Keep it low key. You don’t have to have plans for the next rendevous, before you leave.

·              Exit gracefully. Just because you spent the night together, it doesn’t mean he wants to see you for the next eight hours.

·              Let him miss you when you leave and LET HIM CALL YOU before you return.

Q: My boyfriend has changed.
He’s always distant, barely listens to me and has become really negative. Is he seeing someone else?

A: First of all, do not tolerate this behavior, he needs to understand that you are not a sure thing and your involvement in the relationship is in fact dependent on how he treats you! There are many men that would treat you like the hot, sexy “it girl” that you are. Here are 3 things todo in order to find out exactly what his deal is:

·      Confront him: Leave the hysterical girlie stuff in the lingerie draw, be cool and unemotional, this way he will know your serious.

·              Withdraw: If he isn’t giving you what you need, why put the effort into the relationship?Actions speak louder than words anyway, don’t be so available. He needs to feel that there are repercussions to his behavior.

·              Move on if it doesn't get better: Cut your losses! There are a 100 guys that would throw rose petals at your feet…go get em!!

Q:Me and the guy I like have been"friends with benefits" for a couple of months. With all my friends being in relationships, it makes me realize that I would like to be in a relationship with him. How do I make him see me as more than one of the guys that he gets to go home with at the end of the night? 

A. Hmmmm…the old conversion formula of “friends with benefits to just“benefits”. Since there has already been a dynamic established between the twoof you, you must attempted to create a new one by changing overall tone of your relationship. Try to immediately stop spending all of your time together within a group setting. Start suggesting one on one time. When you are out with him don’t be so fast to reach for your wallet at the bar or at the restaurant. Allow him to pay. Try to create more of a date like scenario and feel to the time you spend with each other. For example set up a time to meet rather than just “bumping into each other” on Friday nights. Try to create a begging, and end to an evening. Also stop talking about current boyfriends around him and when he start to do the same don’t be so interested and eager to discuss his romantic escapades, change the subject. And most importantly, be patient this could take a while.

Matt Titus, Author of "Why Hasn’t He Called?"  & "Why Hasn’t He Proposed?" answers questions from some of his followers...

Q:  I made the mistake of having sex on the first date. He isn't calling. How do I fix this?

A:  Honestly, I don’t think that you should try to fix this. If you gave all of yourself (physically) to this guy (which you will NOT do again!) and he doesn’t have the common decency to call or even return your call, he obviously just wanted one thing from you. Why would you even want to waste any more time on a guy like this? He got it and now he’s gone.

Unfortunately, you must chalk this one up as a lesson learned. The next time Mr. Right at the Moment comes a calling or crawling to your bedroom, make sure that he has to wait at least 10,000 moments to sleep with you. Most men are genetically flawed when it comes to sex, they think only in the moment and not about the repercussions of their actions.

No matter how hard he tries not to he will label you as a one night stand girl, it will be a rare gem who thinks of you as relationship material after a one night stand.

Q: I had the perfect relationship for six months. My boyfriend and I loved to do everything together. But, it seems lately that all we do is fight. Can you tell me how to reconnect?

A: 1. Don’t be so available. No discussions, just do it. Actions are always more powerful than words. If he doesn’t seem to notice your resentment, then it may be time to think about moving on. If he becomes concerned then, let him chase you for a while.

2. Tell him that you need “time” to think about what you want in this relationship, because you are currently involved in a completely unsatisfying one. You will know where you stand by his reaction and response.

3. Plan a nice night together; take time to talk and ask him if he would be willing to make some changes to bring the relationship back to center. If he is concerned and open to the changes, then you have a shot. If he becomes defensive, confrontational or indifferent, it may be time to move on. Don’t waste time with someone who does not want to make the effort to be reconnected to you.

Q: I am going out of town for the weekend with my new boyfriend. We are going to be spending a lot of time together and I am a little worried it will freak both of us out. We usually just see each other once a week, is there a way to make it light and fun.

A: Before you know it, Mr. Right Now is going to be asking you to head out of town on a weekend summer trip. But, spending 24/7 together can reveal a lot about a person, and you have played it perfect so far. Make it a weekend like no other. Here are a few ways to ensure three days he will never forget, starting on Friday after work!

·      Boys hate to wait. When he arrives to pick you up, be ready to go. Don’t fuss with your hair, search for your favorite boots and then re-check to make sure you unplugged your flat iron. Be ready when he gets there. No fuss, no muss.

·              Travel light. One bag max! Don’t turn him into your little luggage carrying weekend Sherpa! For the single girl on the go, you only need a few changes of clothes to get you through. Make sure you can interchange the pieces of each outfit, he’ll find you low maintenance and highly attractive.

·              Switch up your scent. To ensure he’s daydreaming about you come Monday morning add a little perfume to the trip. One dab on each wrist, two behind the ears and a dollop on his favorite tee will keep him remembering.

·      Don’t Call. Once he drops you off and the weekend of bliss is over, don’t start calling him to let him know how great it was. He just spent a long time with you in “guy time.” Let him savor the hours spent and then let him do the dialing. If your time together was half as great as you think it was, he will be trying to get himself penciled in before next weekend rolls around.

Q: I am bold, very open and always honest about my sexual past with boyfriends.   But, with the guy I am currently seeing, I am a little reluctant to tell him about my past.  Any help you can give me? I don’t want to mess things up and I am sure I am not the only woman facing this problem.

A: Any man who has a problem with an experienced and mature woman, who knows exactly what she wants, needs to stay in HIS white picket fence fantasy world. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes and picking men who were not right for you in the past. The good news is, you know what you are looking for and what is right for you, now. Here are a few ways to ensure your former flings don’t come back to haunt you.

* Avoid bragging about the days you were what you call a “party girl.” It may sound hot to your girlfriends, but it probably doesn’t sound cool to him. 

* Your relationship is not a confessional. It is okay NOT to reveal everything about yourself, a little mystery goes a long way.

* If you run into an old flame, introduce him, and make sure your boyfriend has the center spotlight. Don’t spend your Saturday night making excuses, explaining every intimate detail of this particular past tryst.

For more on Matt visit www.AskMattAndTamsen.com

How To Stay Faithful

From our Over 40 Females Relationship Expert Matt Titus and the author of "Why Hasn't He Called?" and "Why Hasn't He Proposed?"

She walks into the coffee shop and our eyes immediately meet. I almost fall off my chair because this woman is gorgeous.

And to make matters worse the universe is definitely trying to screw with me because judging by the look and smile she just gave me, she's interested. Did I mention that I'm a happily married man yet? This of course might complicate things... actually it makes this potential minefield quite simple to navigate. I love my wife, and I will not cheat.

Been there, done that.

In my past life I made a series of mistakes that left me a divorced man with a wounded and empty soul, that man would have slept with the woman above, most likely five minutes after spotting her walk in to the coffee bar. So how am I going to escape this cosmic curse of temptation? By following the rules below, they'll never send you in the wrong direction, I promise.-It's not about just ME (or just YOU) anymore, I'm part of something meaningful and special. If I took her back to her loft and slept with her I would be letting down two people, myself and my wife.

And I would be common and average because as my mother always told me, the harder thing to do is always the better thing to do. -Think of what your life would be like without your current husband or wife. Your present actions are going to dictate your future. Are you truly able to accept the repercussions???

Believe me, you aren't. A long time ago I thought I was, of course I wasn't and pretty much lost everything. I'm hoping you won't. Let's quickly return to the original relationship danger zone... after she smiles,she comes within in ear shot of my table, I hear her order a double cappuccino in the sexiest, raspy European accent that I have ever heard.

She then proceeds to delicately glance at me while she takes her drink from the barista and turns to ask if she can join me... MY LIFE IS NOW OVER! -Being faithful is easy, cheating is hard. Thought it was the other way around, didn't you? The moment she requested to join me I felt something that in the past I had never felt before: HESITATION! You see cheating is like bungee-jumping without a safety cord, the rush is amazing, until you slam into the bridge and smash that thick skull of yours wide open! The work it takes to be unfaithful is ten times, no, a THOUSAND times harder than the simple task of being a committed partner. She introduces herself and I feel "my game" completely gone.

Because all I can think of are the repercussions of sleeping with this woman. I realize that I am doing something that I had never done in the past: Forward Thinking. -Remember you took a vow. Whether it's a wedding band, or a long time romance built on caring and trust, a bond is a bond. And while a hot body and a pretty face are nice to gaze at, it's fleeting; your partner's actions, affection and non-judgmental support are far more worthy in the log run. -Fantasy is a good thing, as long as it doesn't become reality.

Now, don't think I'm not able to appreciate the fact that this woman is beautiful, it's not a crime to admire an attractive person, but it is against all laws know to man to act on your desires if you are in a happy and committed relationship. As I looked into her eyes and told her I was married and thanked her for her company. I also realized I felt no guilt having spent a quick moment with an attractive stranger, no wish to ravish her on top of the table, all I felt was happiness because of my commitment to my wife.

For the first time in my life I realized what the real challenge was about being in this situation. The real challenge was NOT SLEEPING with this beautiful woman. And because I like to think of myself as something of an adrenaline junkie, man, do I love challenges. But this one wasn't a "challenge" at all. It became easier and easier when I let the repercussions of sleeping with her dictate my actions.

And, truthfully, my vanilla latte was much more satisfying.

Why He Calls You A Nag When You're Not...

It was 85 degrees at 9 a.m., and I was headed to the pool to cool off. Sud­denly, I heard my significant other’s voice coo, “Matt, can you call to board the dogs for Thanksgiving?” Huh? That’s five months away. They’re two 7­-pound Chihuahuas — how much space could they take up at the doggie day spa? Clearly, she was kidding.

I grunted in response and carried on with the day. At noon, she rephrased the request: “Did that number work — the one for the kennel?” Then at dinner, my personal favorite: “So, what did they tell you when you called about boarding the dogs?” This was July. She was talking about No­vem­ber. At this point, I had no choice — it was self­-preservation. I pulled out my secret weapon, the one itty-­bitty phrase that’s proven to drive her straight up the wall: You’re nagging.

I felt guilty...ish, but hey, as soon as I said it, she stopped asking me to make the call.

The Sneak Attack

Here’s the thing: In guys’ minds, we already did everything a woman (i.e., Mom) asked for 18 years, and it almost killed us. But now that we are, ahem, all grown up, we don’t want to be told what to do. If we do everything our girlfriends and wives say, we will actually lose our manly status and turn into children again. Yes, we really think that.

Enter You’re nagging. We know this phrase will silence you instantly, and that’s why we whip it out. We’re well aware that being called a nag mentally morphs a woman into a 350­-pound housewife in pink curlers and a hideous flowered muumuu.

Men also know — though we’ll never admit it — that we make your repeated requests necessary in the first place. Ugly guy truth: No matter how much we love you, we’re only capable of listening to about 20 percent of what you have to say. As a result, we force you to repeat yourself, and then we call it nagging, and then...you get really, really pissed off.

Playing Dirty

But there are ways to fend off our nasty attempts to make you feel like our mom.

First, remember that men live in the moment, and anything that doesn’t fall within a 24-hour period seems light-years away. You need to add an extra sentence to make your request stick in your man’s head: “Oh, your massive pecs almost made me forget — the dog spa fills up months in advance, which is why I need you to call now.”

When your guy calls you a nag, the best thing you can do is take action — start doing whatever it was you were nagging him about right in front of his eyes. Watching the woman he cares about give up on him is even more emasculating than being bossed around. He’ll instantly take over and feel like a jack­ass for not doing it sooner.

If it’s something you can’t manage to do yourself, you can send the ultimate message by walking away. For instance, if your guy is a smoker and you’ve asked him to quit, bolt from the room with a “seriously?!” look on your face the next time he lights up. Your absence speaks louder than words.

On that July evening, as my woman huffed toward the phone, I intercepted and made the call. When I hung up (and saw the angry expression on her face), I promised never to call her a nag again. I just might need her to, uh, remind me to keep it.